OFFL:  RollingSKull Issue 222
THE ROLLINGSKULL, VOLUME 17, ISSUE 222
December 1, 2023 - Music by Steel Panther, "Just Like Tiger Woods"
        
Week 13 Is Finally Here and It Will Be Close at the Finish Line

     -  The Fishy Machine Flies Fanatically as the Spoiler
     -  Rodger's Witch Has a Spell for the NY Gangsters
     -  Jimmy Sacrifices a Cat to Ensure a Playoff Birth
     -  E.J. Needs a Wideout and CMC to Take Him Home
     -  Pete Seen at the Crossroads in Clarksdale, MS
     -  Blackbirds and Mr. Hoffnuts Block the Dawgs Out
     -  Kalish Is Not Even Comfortable at #1
     -  Note Done Yet:  Blitzburgh Has Company
     -  Romosexuals Caught Behind Church Smokin a Hogleg
     -  Which OFFL Owner Is the Next Tiger?
    
As always, we appreciate your patronage.  We apologize for the run on sentences in advance!
 
E. A. Presley
Editor and Chief of the RollingSkull




 

We heard that the Juice needed some work to cover his green fees since becoming a free man in 2021.  Given the OFFL's long history of supporting retired athletes, we are here to help with trivia provided by O.J. Simpson.  This week's question is "What year did the first Madden Game come out? It was called John Madden Football.

John Madden Football was the first game of the series and it came out in 1988. This game was only available on MS-DOS (aka Microsoft Disk Operating System).


The last question of  the season, "True Or False: Nick Saban didn’t have a winning season during his time in the NFL.

Winners this week will receive complimentary bottles Balance of Nature as seen on TV!  Balance of Nature is endorsed by Mark Birchard of the Fanatics!

                              

 

 

 

This week's checklist:

1.  It is the responsibility of all owners to update their roster for Thursday/Friday games.  The remainder of the roster locks in at 12:59am on
     Sunday.  This includes the Sunday late game players and Monday night players.
 
2.  Available Apps for MyFantasyLeague (MFL)
       a.  OFFL Game Day for PC, GAMEDAY APP. Use League ID 13439.
       b.  MFL Premium for iPhone.  League ID 13439
       c.  MFL Platinum for Android.  League ID 13439
            Side note:  The home page scoreboard at tmes is faster if you like to refresh and drill down on each game individually.
  
3.  Assistant Commissioner Jeff Kalish is Pete's backup in the event of a league emergency (i.e. go on the record, late moves, glitches, etc). 
     If you need to time stamp with an email for debate later--  Jeff's email is jeff.kalish@xsitedigital.com and Pete's is plpurvis@bellsouth.net.
  
4.  This week's NFL Schedule:
Thursday, November 30, 2023
MATCHUP
TIME
TV
LOCATION / WEATHER
Seattle
  @  Dallas
 8:15 PM PRIME AT&T Stadiium, Ft. Worth, TX
Sunday, December 3, 2023
Indianapolis
  @  Tennessee
 1:00 PM
CBS
Nissan Stadium, Nashville, TN
Los Angeles
  @  New England
 1:00 PM
CBS
Gillette Stadium, Foxborough, MA
Detroit
  @  New Orleans
 1:00 PM
FOX
Caesars Superdome, New Orleans, LA
Atlanta
  @  New York
 1:00 PM
FOX
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
Arizona
  @  Pittsburgh
 1:00 PM
CBS
Acrisure Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
Miami
  @  Washington
 1:00 PM
FOX
FedExField, Landover, MD
Denver
  @  Houston
 1:00 PM
CBS
NRG Stadium, Houston, TX
Carolina
  @  Tampa Bay
 4:05 PM
CBS
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, FL
Cleveland
  @  Los Angeles
 4:25 PM
FOX
SoFi Stadium, Inglewood, CA
San Francisco
  @  Philadelphia
 4:25 PM
FOX
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, PA
Kansas City
  @  Green Bay
 8:20 PM
NBC
Lambeau Field, Green Bay, WI
Monday, December 4, 2023
Cincinnati
  @  Jacksonville
 8:15 PM
ABC/ESPN
EverBank Stadium, Jacksonville, FL
BYE:  Buffalo, Chicag, oLas Vegas, Minnesota, New York, Baltimore

 
 

  
THE PLAYOFFS ARE NEAR!

We know who are two locks are.  Both of these guys will get a first round bye:

Cunning  Linguists, One Seed                  Romosexual Tendencies, Two Seed*

* Unless something silly happens like a loss by Romo and crazy points and a win by Rodger's Witch , the two seed ain't changing.

Let's do the breakdown of the race in reverse.  Please note, the estimate on points needed are based on the current Wildcars Points rounded up-- 680pts.

Playing the Spoiler - They Need to Generates Points Like No Other
Fighting Fish/3&9:  Unfortunately, this will take a 150+ point game to jump into the playoffs like Rob did last year.
Mean Machine/4&8:  They are in a similar boat as the Fighting Fish.  Tom and Son need at least 115+ points to enter the conversation of the Wildcard.
Fanatics/4&8:  Mark sits a little better here.   The Fanatics need a 90+ game to compete.  Only one team has broken 90 pts this season in a game.
Flying Gators/5&7:  While Joe needs 110+ to compete, there is another  scenario that could help... A Rider loss and Gator win (w/ Joe outscoring Pete in total PF ) would allow Joe a chance for the 5 or 6 seed.

Check out the Mr. Relevants
Throw That D/5&7:  75+ points and some slow play by the other teams in contentiion... E.J. can creep in...  To everyyone's surprise, the risk on CMC has paid off. 75+ is very possible.  A good day from Goff, Elliot, and CMC would be nice.  The trouble here is that E.J. may not have the confidence in his scoring to go out and get another WR/TE.  Stay tuned on this one.
Midnight Dawgs/6&6:   Estimated 95+ would place Austin in the Wildcard discussion.  Unfortunatley, the both 7&5 Blackbirds and Hoffnuts have cock blocked him from a 4/5 seed discussion.

On the Field Already
Blitzburgh/5&7:  Fitz currently holds the 6th seed at 677 pts. He will need to continue to outscore the remaining owners below.  The situation is similar to Austin's in the West.  Gangster and Witch have him by one game which results in keeping Blitzburgh from placing any higher than the six seed.
Midnight Riders/6&6:  This gets a little more challenging, Riders trail Blitzburgh by 9pts on the season for the Wildcard so we know these two owners are watching each other.  Now if Pete pulls out a win vs Fanatics and we have a Gangster loss AND then if neither Blackbirds or Hoffnuts outscore the Riders on the season.... Pete can leapfrog into the 4 or 5 seed.
Mr. Hoffnuts/7&5:  Solider Chucky got bumped from the race last week.  BUT!  This could be tempoary.  He really has too many points to make up for to attain the sixth seed, approximately 130+.  His best ticket is a win over the Blackbirds, placing him back at #2 in the Central.  If this happens, he is a contender at seeds 4 or 5.  Just don't forget that any ties in the standings will be determined by total points as a secondary measure.  This means he could win and still get bumped bye the likes of Jimmy or Pete if they have the same record.
Blackbirds/7&5:  See what I just wrote about Mr. Hoffnuts?  Ditto to you!  Only thing different from Chuck is that you have a 116+ gap to overcome for the Wildcard.

Masters of Their Own Destiny
New York Gangsters/7&5:  Okay, this one gets complicated. If Jimmy wins and Rodger's Witch loses, Jimmy can drop in the #3 seed.  If both Witch and Gangsters lose, then their place in the East would take total points for the season into account (same as if they both win).-- The loser on points between these two teams could possibly be looking at either the 4 /5 battle or the six seed battle.  A win by Jimmy, just makes his life easier.
Rodgers Witch/7&5:  Jake only leads Jimmy by four points to break the tie in the East.  Like the Gangsters, Rodger's Witch just needs to win to ease his shot into the playoffs because it would only be points issues between he and Jimmy for 1st place in the East.  There is a long-shot possibility that if Romo were to tank this week and either Jimmy or Jake put up a 100+, they could sneak into the #2 seed... A very long shot.

Well, I think we covered the most likely scenarios.  I am sure we mised a few of the long-shots.  Regardless, I hope the brief explanation adds more to the RedZone viewing for you this weekend.

-BomB Out

  
 

 
Pedro crashed back to earth last week, only 3 for 7.  Pedro is now 47 for 84, batting 560  for the season.  The picks for the last game of the regular season are  brought to you by Alicia Keys.
 

SPOKESMODEL

                  MATCHUP PREDICTION


Cunning Linguists   vs    59 to 65:  Mean Machine
   vs    58 to 58.5:  Mr. Hoffnuts (flip a coin here) **
   vs    class= 55 to 54:  Throw That D 
Flying Gators   vs    65 to 68:  Rodger's Witch 
  vs    59 to 48:  Blitzburgh 
  vs   51 to 55:  Midnight Dawgs 
   vs   57 to 55:  Midnight Riders 
  ** "Estradiol Game of the Week"

 
 

 
Zack's Fun Facts From Last Week

 Cowboys DB Daron Bland breaks the NFL record for most pick-6’s in one season with 5; the last two players to have at least 12 INTs in their first 28 career games: Bland and Trevon Diggs. 

Mike McCarthy has a higher winning percentage in Dallas (.623) than in Green Bay (.618). 

This is the first win on Thanksgiving for the 49ers since 1972. 

Patriots are the only team in the last 30 years to lose consecutive games while allowing 10 points or fewer. 

Eagles have been flagged the least amount of times while their opponents have been flagged the third most. 

Over the last 13 seasons the Giants have beaten the Patriots 3 times while the Jets have beaten the Patriots 2 times.   

Travis Kelce is the first Chiefs player with 11,000+ receiving yards in his career. 

Josh Allen is now 0-6 in overtime. 

Jordan Davis reached a top speed of 16.96 mph while chasing down Josh Allen which is the 2nd fastest speed reached on any play by a 330+ pound player this season. 

Younghoe Koo currently has the highest FG percentage with a minimum of 100 attempts in history (due to Justin Tucker missing a 44-yard FG). 

Mac Jones’ passer rating was 27.8; if he were 0-21 with all 21 passes spike directly into the ground he would have a 39.6 passer rating. 

Jalen Hurts when tied or trailing in the 2nd half this season: 10 TDs, 0 INTs, 136.6 rating (all 1st in the league); he also becomes the first QB in history to have 3 straight seasons of 10+ rushing TDs. 

Chargers and Jets are both 4-7 but the Chargers have scored 109 more points. 

Russell Wilson is the first Broncos QB to throw for 20+ TDs since 2014. 

Eagles are the 1st team since 1960 to get outgained 90+ yards in 4 straight games and win all of them. 

Bills are the 40th team since the 1970 merger to have 500 yards, 10 3rd-down conversions, and a positive turnover margin in a game: they are the first team to lose in that scenario. 

Broncos 29 Cleveland 12 – scorigami!. 

Andy Reid is now the winningest coach in Chiefs history surpassing Hank Stram. 

Since Joey Porter Jr was made starting Corner he has held Puka Nacua, Davante Adams, Calvin Ridley, DeAndre Hopkins, and Ja’Marr Chase to 7 catches, 107 yards, and 0 TDs combined. 

TJ Watt is on track to become the first player to lead the league in sacks 3 times since sacks became an official stat in 1982. 

Jalen Hurts and Josh Allen became the first opposing QBs in history to have multiple passing TDs and multiple rushing TDs in the same game. 

Saints have scored 3 TDs in their last 32 possessions: 2 TDs from Jameis Winston and 1 TD from Taysom Hill. 

Titans (4-7) are undefeated at their home stadium (their 1 “home” loss was in London). 

Bears are 3-0 in their last 3 games played during the week whilst being 1-18 in games played on Sunday in that timespan. 

Frank Reich is the first head coach in history to be fired in back-to-back seasons


Razer Blade 16 x Automobili Lamborghini Edition 

When they launched the Lamborghini Revuelto — their first ever High-Performance Electric Vehicle — Lamborghini pushed the boundaries of sustainability and speed at once. To follow it up, the brand turned from roaring engines to sophisticated software. Now, with the Razer Blade 16 x Automobili Lamborghini Edition, the Italian automaker jumped from speedy motors to lightning-fast loading times.  

- 16-inch Gaming Laptop with 13th Gen Intel® Core™ i9 HX Processor
- NVIDIA® GPU and Intel® CPU for laptops, a 4K dual-mode mini-LED display 
- Housed in a custom CNC-milled aluminum chassis. Only 150 models produced worldwide.
- UHD+ 120Hz and FHD+ 240Hz 16:10 native resolution. 

Switch between ultra-sharp 4K for creative work and ultra-fast refresh rates for silky-smooth gameplay, backed by 1K nits peak brightness and 100% DCI-P3 color accuracy.  Pushing the limits of power with up to 175W Full TGP With 1.50 gPD (Graphics Power Density) under its hood, the Razer Blade 16 delivers up to 35% more graphic power per inch³ than any other 16” gaming laptop on the market1,2  NVIDIA® GeForce RTX™ 40 Series Laptop GPUs power the world’s fastest laptops for gamers and creators.

Built with the ultra-efficient NVIDIA Ada Lovelace architecture, they bring a quantum leap in performance with AI-powered DLSS 3 and enable lifelike virtual worlds with full ray tracing. Plus, the Max-Q suite of technologies optimizes system performance, power, battery life, and acoustics for peak efficiency.  Complete with a patented vapour chamber cooling system, this laptop honours the HPEV with fearless bursts of orange all over its sleek silhouette. ($5,000 USD)


TAILGATING WITH MISTRESS BIANCA  

 Beef Empanadas

Ingredients

FOR THE DOUGH
1/2 c. unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
3/4 c. warm water
1 large egg
3 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. salt

FOR THE FILLING
2 tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. ground cumin
1/2 sweet onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 lb. ground beef
1/2 c. green olives, drained and chopped
1 jalapeño, finely chopped 
2 tbsp. tomato paste
2 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
2 tsp. smoked paprika
1/2 tsp. salt 
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper (optional)
1 large egg, beaten


Directions:

1. For the dough: In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter, water, and egg until combined. Add the flour and the salt. Using a silicone spatula or wooden spoon, gradually stir the mixture together until a sticky dough starts to form. Turn out onto a well floured surface and knead until smooth, about 2 minutes. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.

2. For the filling: In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat until shimmering. Add the cumin, and cook, stirring constantly, until very fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the onion and garlic. Cook, stirring frequently, until starting to soften, about 5 minutes. Stir in the bell pepper and cook until softened, about 5 minutes more.

3. Add the ground beef. Cook, stirring occasionally, until browned, about 6 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium-low. Stir in the olives, jalapeño, tomato paste, oregano, thyme, smoked paprika, salt, and pepper. Let simmer for a few minutes. Taste and adjust seasoning if needed, adding the cayenne if more spice is desired. Transfer to a plate and let cool completely.

4. Preheat the oven to 375°. Roll the dough to be about 1/8-inch thick. Using a 4-inch round cutter (or a bowl about 4 inches in diameter), cut circles from the dough. Dip your finger in water and run it around the edge of each dough circle to moisten it. Place 1 1/2 tablespoons of filling in the center of each dough round. Fold the rounds in half, over the filling, until the edges meet up. Use a fork dipped in flour to crimp the edge closed. Gather any remaining dough scraps and knead them to come together in one piece. Re-roll the dough and repeat cutting, filling and crimping. (Only re-roll one time).

5. Place the empanadas on 2 parchment lined baking sheets about 1 inch apart. Brush the tops of the empanadas with the beaten egg. Bake until golden brown, 25 to 30 minutes.

    Flying Gators      Midnight Riders        Cunning Linguists