OFFL:  RollingSKull Issue 217
THE ROLLINGSKULL, VOLUME 17, ISSUE 217
October 27, 2023, Music by Thousand Foot Krutch, "Let the Sparks Fly"

        
Week Eight

     -  Thank goodness, a week without byes.
     -  Blackbirds Are in Fashion
     -  Pedro and the Bomb Change Their Outlook on the League
     -  Romosexual Tendencies:  Will success spoil their owner?
     -  NY Gangsters Do Not Belong in the Playoff Conversation

As always, we appreciate your patronage.
 
E. A. Presley
Editor and Chief of the RollingSkull




 

We heard that the Juice needed some work to cover his green fees since becoming a free man in 2021.  Given the OFFL's long history of supporting retired athletes, we are here to help with trivia provided by O.J. Simpson.  Last week's question, "True Or False: Lamar Jackson was selected in the 2nd round of the NFL Draft?  This was false.

Lamar was selected 32nd overall in the first round in 2018. He has gone on to prove that he probably should have been taken first over Baker Mayfield. Other big names from this draft include Saquon Barkley (2nd overall), Denzel Ward (4th overall), and Minkah Fitzpatrick (11th overall).

This week's question, "Who was the first-ever defensive player to win the Super Bowl MVP award?

a.  Von Miller, Broncos
b.  Ray Lewis, Ravens
c.  Chuck Howley, Cowboys
d.  Richard Dent, Bears

This weeks' winners will receive this fine art peice illustrating that life continues to imitate art.  Just look at what the Blackbirds did to the Fighting Fish and the Midnight Riders.  They are on the road to a comeback.  Currently, the owner of the Blackbirds is conceptualizing how a blackbird can eat a witch in week 8...









 

 

 



 

This week's checklist:
 
1.  Just a week and a half to pull off a trade in case you were wondering...
  
2. 
Read the rules.  Read the rules.  Read the rules.
 
3.  TRADE DEADLINE:  Trading will cease at 12:45pm eastern, Sunday, Week 9.
 

4.  It is the responsibility of all owners to update their roster for Thursday games.  The remainder of the roster locks in at 12:59am on Sunday. 
     This includes the Sunday late game players and Monday night players.
 
5.  Available Apps for MyFantasyLeague (MFL)
       a.  OFFL Game Day for PC, GAMEDAY APP. Use League ID 13439.
       b.  MFL Premium for iPhone.  League ID 13439
       c.  MFL Platinum for Android.  League ID 13439
            Side note:  The home page scoreboard at tmes is faster if you like to refresh and drill down on each game individually.
  
6.  Assistant Commissioner Jeff Kalish is Pete's backup in the event of a league emergency (i.e. go on the record, late moves, glitches, etc). 
     If you need to time stamp with an email for debate later--  Jeff's email is jeff.kalish@xsitedigital.com and Pete's is plpurvis@bellsouth.net.
  
7. 
This week's NFL Schedule:


MATCHUP
TIME
TV
LOCATION
Thursday, October 26, 2023
Tampa Bay
  @  Buffalo
8:15 PM
PRIME VIDEO
Highmark Stadium, Orchard Park, NY
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Los Angeles
  @  Dallas
1:00 PM
FOX
AT&T Stadium, Arlington, TX
Minnesota
  @  Green Bay
1:00 PM
FOX
Lambeau Field, Green Bay, WI
Atlanta
  @  Tennessee
1:00 PM
CBS
Nissan Stadium, Nashville, TN
New Orleans
  @  Indianapolis
1:00 PM
FOX
Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN
New England
  @  Miami
1:00 PM
CBS
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami Gardens, FL
New York
  @  New York
1:00 PM
CBS
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
Jacksonville
  @  Pittsburgh
1:00 PM
CBS
Acrisure Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA
Philadelphia
  @  Washington
1:00 PM
FOX
FedExField, Landover, MD
Houston
  @  Carolina
1:00 PM
FOX
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, NC
Cleveland
  @  Seattle
4:05 PM
FOX
Lumen Field, Seattle, WA
Kansas City
  @  Denver
4:25 PM
CBS
Empower Field at Mile High, Denver, CO
Baltimore
  @  Arizona
4:25 PM
CBS
State Farm Stadium, Glendale, AZ
Cincinnati
  @  San Francisco
4:25 PM
CBS
Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara, CA
Chicago
  @  Los Angeles
8:20 PM
NBC
SoFi Stadium, Inglewood, CA
Monday, October 30, 2023
Las Vegas
  @  Detroit
8:15 PM
ABC/ESPN
Ford Field, Detroit, MI

 
 

  
Week seven has passed, lets play "What if the season ended today!"

As refresher, here is how divisional records and points play-- If the regular season ended today, here is what the playoffs would look like.

One Seed:  Cunning Linguists (first round bye in playoffs)  "I do not see Jeff holding  the top seed, he has been damn lucky with the "points allowed" (2nd lowest)."
Two Seed:  Romosexual Tendencies (first round bye in playoffs)  "This team is been built on Mahomes, Mostert, and a kicker. They need to stay healthy."

Three Seed:  NY Gangsters (face six seed in round one) "The lack of a bench is a killer.  Josh Allen and kicker points is not a way to survive."
Four Seed:  Mr. Hoffnuts (face five seed in round one) "Resurgence of Lamar is nice, BUT!  Take a look at his points allowed, lowest in the league."

Five Seed:  Midnight Riders (2nd place in their division, barely passes Blitzburgh with same record by 5 pts on season) "Injuries are killing this team, a tough haul."
Six Seed:  Throw That tD  (they lead with the most points forced of the teams remaing) "Built on Goff, CMC, and a kicker, sound familiar?  Need to stay healthy."

Who will be our climbers?

Blitzburgh, Blackbirds, Flying Gators, Midnight Dawgs and Fanatics are the immediate threats to the six seed which is solely determined on points forced.

Eastern Division has a four teams at 3 and 4 - All jockeying for second place with just one game behind the Gangsters.  Therefore, Blitz, Fanatics, Witch, and Mean Machine with enough wins can possibly take the one, two, or three seeds in the second half.

In the Central, Throw That tD and Blackbirds are only a game out from first.  A great position to be in, they could take any of the six seeds with a few wins.

The Western Divsion and the Eastern Division might as well be considered as one at this time.  The Linguists need to drop three and the Flying Gators and Rider would need to gain 3 games simultaneously... Highly unlikely.  Outside Kalishs' team, the rest of this division just needs points!

Our current champion, Fighting Fish are the odd man out right now with just one win along with the Dawgs with just two wins. Thanks to our Six Seed requirement  on total points, both teams are still very much in the hunt.  With all this said, what extreme change(s) could we see by week 13?

One Seed:  Blackbirds, the kid is starting to put up points and is only one game out of first.
Two Seed:  Blitzburgh, they need Herbert to heal and Mixon to handle more carries to regain the East.
Three Seed:  Throw That tD will continue to roll if CMC stays healthy, he takes 2nd place in the Central.

Four Seed:  Cunning Linguists with a 6 and 1 record are secure.  I do think a potential points drop will cost them the bye.
Five Seed:  Fantatics are right there in points with Blitz and Gangsters.  I believe Mark could bypass Gangster to take 2nd place in the East.
Six Seed:  Romosexual Tendencies will continue to put up points as long as Mahomes keeps throwing and Mostert's knees hold hold.

Save the screenshot, we will check back in week 13.


--BomB OuT

  
 

 
A little bit of a comeback last week, 4 for 7.  This leaves Pedro 26 for 49, still batting at 531 for the season.  This week's picks are brought to you by none other, the Mother of Dragons herself, Emilia Clarke.

SPOKESMODEL

                 MATCHUP PREDICTION


  vs    Flying Gators 42 to 50:  Flying Gators
   vs    46 to 47:  Throw That tD
   vs    45 to 55:  Mr. Hoffnuts
   vs    59 to 58:  Rodgers Witch
 class=   vs    50 to 59:  Fanatics
  vs   47 to 44:  Mean Machine **
Cunning Linguists   vs   56 to 57:  Blitzburgh
  ** "Estradiol Game of the Week"


 
 


 
Zack's Fun Facts of the Week

Bill Belichek is the 3rd head coach with 300 regular season wins. 

Deshaun Watson since being traded to Cleveland: 10 games, 165-227 (59.6%), 1,939 yards, 11 TDs, 8 INTs, 82.09 passer rating; Watson’s cap charge in 2024 is $63.977 million; cost to cut him is $200.915 million. 

Sam Howell has been sacked 40 times through 7 games; the NFL record in a season is 76 and he is on pace for 97. 

Only twice has a QB had 35+ completions, 75% completion percentage, thrown a 60+ yard TD pass, and had 0 sacks: Kirk Cousins, twice. 

Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes have the highest win percentage by a head coach/QB duo. 

49ers have not won a road game in Minnesota sine 1992 (0-7). 

From 2009 to 2022, Tom Brady received 35 roughing the passer penalties.

Josh Allen has received 30 since 2018.  Browns efficiency rankings: offense 31st, defense 1st, special teams 2nd

49ers are 0-36 under Kyle Shanahan when trailing by 8+ points in the 4th quarter. 

Eagles have a 17/18 conversion rate with the tush push; Vita Vea is the only man to stop it this season.

The top 4 teams in DVOA (SF, DET, BUF, MIA) all lost this week, the first time this has happened since Week 13, 1991



Apple Watch Tips: Change These Settings to Get the Most Out of It  

The Apple Watch is easy to use out of the box, but changing a few settings can make a big difference. For example, you can decide how you'd like to activate Siri, make your apps appear in a list view rather than a grid and set Portrait Mode photos from your iPhone as your watch background. The WatchOS 10 update that Apple launched in September also brings some new shortcuts, like widgets for quickly seeing activity progress or the weather. 

You'll be able to use these features and settings on any watch model that Apple currently sells, including the $249 Apple Watch SE, the $399 Apple Watch Series 9 and the rugged $799 Apple Watch Ultra 2. Here's a look at the Apple Watch settings you should change to get the most out of your watch-- Click Here.


Jokes for the Road

What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. 

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman? Men can push the microwave’s buttons and still turn it on. 

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? 

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? 

What do the Florida Gator football team and a hooker have in common?  They both suck for four quarters.



TAILGATING WITH MISTRESS BIANCA
 

Sausage-Hash Brown Breakfast Casserole

New PotA savvy Southern host knows a breakfast casserole with sausage and hash browns is a one-dish wonder that can save the day.  If you're feeding a large crowd for breakfast or brunch, look no further than this crowd-pleaser, Sausage-Hash Brown Breakfast Casserole. Made with hash browns, sausage, and plenty of cheese, this is one the family (and the neighbors will appreciate).

1 pound pkg. ground pork sausage with sage (such as Jimmy Dean)
1 pound pkg. hot ground pork sausage
1 (30-oz.) pkg. frozen shredded hash browns
2 teaspoons kosher salt, divided
1 teaspoon black pepper, divided
6 ounces sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded (about 1 1⁄2 cups), divided
6 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup whole milk
1 tablespoon chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley. 

Cook the sausage:  Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 13- x 9-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Cook sage ground sausage and hot ground sausage in a large skillet over medium-high, stirring often, until they are crumbled and browned, about 10 minutes. Remove from heat; drain well on paper towels. 

Cook the hash browns:  Working in batches, cook hash browns in a large nonstick skillet according to package directions; omit salt if called for on package. Sprinkle with 1 teaspoon of the salt and 1⁄2 teaspoon of the pepper.

Assemble and bake casserole:  Stir together sausage, hash browns, and 1 cup of the cheese in a bowl. 

Spoon into prepared baking dish. Whisk together eggs, milk, and remaining 1 teaspoon salt and 1⁄2 teaspoon pepper in a medium bowl.

Pour over sausage mixture. Sprinkle with remaining 1⁄2 cup cheese.

Bake in preheated oven until set, about 30 minutes. Sprinkle with parsley and chives.

            

    Flying Gators      Midnight Riders        Cunning Linguists