THE ROLLINGSKULL, VOLUME 17, ISSUE 216 October 20, 2023, Music by Van Halen, "Mine All Mine" (very underrated song)          Week Seven      -  Welcome to the Sh!T Sh0^^:  Injuries and a QB Shortage      -  Jimmy Gains the East      -  Romo Joins the Show      -  Have We Seen the Last of the Dawgs for the Season?      -  No One in Blitzburgh Has Seen Such a Calamity Since the Flood of  1936      -  And Zack's Facts As always, we appreciate your patronage.   E. A. Presley Editor and Chief of the RollingSkull

 

We heard that the Juice needed some work to cover his green fees since becoming a free man in 2021.  Given the OFFL's long history of supporting retired athletes, we are here to help with trivia provided by O.J. Simpson.  Last week's question, ""Which of these players is the only person to play on three consecutive Super Bowl winning teams?   The answer is Ken Norton Jr. Linebacker Ken Norton Jr. is the first and only player in history to win three straight Super Bowls. He won Super Bowl XXVII and XXVIII as a member of the Dallas Cowboys. He also won Super Bowl XXIX as a member of the San Francisco 49ers. This week's question will test your short-term memory, "True Or False: Lamar Jackson was selected in the 2nd round of the NFL Draft? This week's winners will receive direct from Netflix, the movie Taken 5, "Blitzburgh's 2023 Season."  Why was Fitz chosen for the main role?                              -  Cuz all good runningbacks were TAKEN two weeks ago.,.                              -  Cuz his first place standing in the league was TAKEN...                              -  Cuz Tom's first place status in the East Divsion was TAKEN...                                  (thx Jimmy)                              -  Cuz Blitzburgh's winning season is in jeopardy of being TAKEN!

A little bit of a comeback last week, 4 for 7.  This leaves Pedro 22 for 42, still batting at 524 for the season.  This week's picks are brought to you by Fox Reporter, Sandra Smith (hey, college track wasn't going to pay for school). SPOKESMODEL                  MATCHUP PREDICTION   vs    53 to 32:  Rodger's Witch **    vs    31 to 29:  Midnight Dawgs    vs    55 to 59:  Mean Machine    vs    59 to 58.5:  Flying Gators (upset alert)   vs    47 to 57:  Romosexual Tendencies   vs   57 to 57.5:  Midnight Riders    vs   48 to 47:  Mr. Hoffnuts   ** "Estradiol Game of the Week"

Zack's Fun Facts of the Week The Lions have not allowed an opponent to gain 100 rushing yards in any of their first 6 games; this is the 4th time this has happened in franchise history with the last three times being 1932, 1931, and 1930.  The last time the Lions held a share of the NFL’s best record this late into a season was Week 11, 1993. Two teams in last place in the AFC conference are coached by Bill Belichek and Sean Payton.  Jason Kelce breaks the Eagles’ franchise record for most consecutive starts with 145.  Raheem Mostert is 31 years old and has scored 39% of his career rushing touchdowns this season.  At one point during NFL Redzone they cut to Desmond Ridder throwing an INT then cutting to Geno Smith throwing an INT then cutting to CJ Stroud throwing an INT then cutting to Joe Burrow throwing an INT.   Giants have gone 3 straight games without an offensive TD for the first time since 1976.  Justin Herbert threw his 13th INT in the 4th quarter of a one-score game which is 5 more than any other QB since 2020.  Raiders’ Maxx Crosby played every defensive snap for the 3rd straight week; no other defensive lineman has done this once so far.  NFL offenses are currently scoring TDs on 53.3% of their redzone opportunities, the lowest through six weeks since 2011 and Week 6 finishes with the lowest points per game since Week 15, 2014.  The sack rate league-wide is at 7.2%, the highest since 1998 through 6 weeks. Best CD Rates of October IRates for certificates of deposits are moving higher, despite some recent news. There’s a chance that the Federal Reserve may be done hiking rates for now, according to experts. And even though the central bank doesn’t control CD rates, they usually move in lockstep with the Fed’s decision. Most banks have held CD rates steady for weeks, but now we’re seeing more terms with higher rates. Some six-month and one-year CDs are well over 5.50% APY, while longer terms remain around 4%.Experts aren’t certain how high rates will go or when we’ll start to see dips. But even if the Fed is done with rate hikes, the consensus is that savings and CD rates won’t fall overnight. It’s likely that CD rates will stay this high -- or close to it -- for the rest of the year.For now, there’s still time to earn interest between 4% and 5%, but the clock is ticking. If you already have money set aside for a goal, align it with the CD term that best matches your timeline so you can lock in a high interest rate. But if you’re still setting aside money or need more flexibility, there are other interest-earning savings options worth considering. Bank or credit union 6-month 1-year 3-year 5-year Alliant Credit Union 4.75% 5.25% 4.45% 4.35% America First FCU 5.30% 5.25% 4.25% 4.00% BMO Alto 5.20% 5.50% 4.50% 4.50% CommunityWide Federal Credit Union 5.50% 5.60% 4.60% 4.00% First Internet Bank of Indiana 5.22% 5.35% 4.75% 4.59% MYSB Direct 5.36% 5.41% 4.91% 4.66% Quontic 5.05% 5.30% 4.40% 4.30% Rising Bank 5.25% 5.60% 3.85% N/A Rates as of Oct. 16, 2023. Jokes for the Road (the 5 dirtiest of the week, we deleted the 6th one, too bad-- even for us) Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.  If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away. "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's." TAILGATING WITH MISTRESS BIANCA   New Potato Skewers with Satay Sauce Ingredients 32 new potatoes, about 750kg FOR THE SATAY SAUCE Juice 1/2 lime 6 tbsp. smooth peanut butter 2 tbsp. soy sauce 2 tbsp. sweet chilli sauce 150 ml coconut milk 8 wooden skewers, soaked in water for 30min This speedy satay sauce comes together quickly. If you fancy it a little spicier, add 1/2 finely chopped red chilli. Directions 1. Parboil potatoes in a large pan of boiling water for 10min, or until fairly tender. Drain well. 2. Meanwhile, heat the satay sauce ingredients in a small pan, stirring occasionally, until combined and slightly thickened. Decant into a bowl and set aside. 3. Put potatoes in a bowl and toss through the oil and some seasoning. Thread potatoes on to skewers. To barbecue, cook over high heat for 10min, turning halfway. Alternatively, preheat grill to medium and grill skewers on a baking sheet for about 10-15min, turning halfway. Serve on or off the skewers with satay sauce.