OFFL:  RollingSKull Issue 209
THE ROLLINGSKULL, VOLUME 17, ISSUE 209
September 1, 2023, Music by Ayron Jones, "The Title"
        
  Welcome to Season XVII.  In this Issue, We Cover:

     -  The Fighting Fish Go for Two
     -  Commissioner Reaches Out MFL to Block Draft Software
     -  The Juice is Bringing the Trivia, Pulp Free
     -  Quick Outline of the New Roster/Scoring
     -  A Contender and a Champion Return to the OFFL
     -  We List the MFL Apps
     -  Preseason Predictions
     -  Bianca Submits a Simple Recipe for Guac!

As always, we appreciate your patronage.
 
 
  E. A. Presley,
  Editor and Chief of the RollingSkull




 

We heard that the Juice needed some work to cover his green fees since becoming a free man back in 2021.  Given the OFFL's long history of supporting retired athletes, we are here to help.  Starting in 2023, O.J. will oversee and produce OFFL trivia during the NFL's regular season.  We hope the readers will enjoy another season of trivia with Orenthal J. Simpson! And away we go...

In 1965, Gale Sayers set a record for the most touchdowns scored in a rookie season. How many touchdowns did Sayers have that year?
a.  16        b.  17
c.  20        d.  22

We still have large quantities of NY Gangster alarms clocks from last season's give-a-away.  We are handing them out again to this week's winners as they serve as a reminder to lock in your roster on time!  The rules states:

 Starting Lineups:  Starting rosters need to be in by 1:00pm eastern on Sunday (This includes Monday night also.)  For Wednesday/Thursday games- players will lock in by game time. For example, if you have a guy on the bench that you want to play that upcoming Thursday- he will be locked on the bench when the Thursday game starts if you have not moved him. Of course if he started for you the week before and you fail to place him on  your bench- he will lock in as starter by the start of the Thurday game.  Pay close attention to the NFL schedule...

 

 

 



 

This week's checklist:
 
1.  Draft Day is set for Saturday, September 2nd, 1pm Eastern in Jax (see Pete for address/directions). 
       a.  Please log into the MyFantasy League Draft Room prior to the draft (making sure your login works and you know where to go). 
       b.  Let Pete know if you are attending in person or drafting abroad.
       c.  Please have someone available to step in as your second for the draft if you cannot be online.
             (Websters:  second - one that assists or supports another, i.e. assistant of a dueler or boxer).
       d.  Auto draft will not be turned on for the draft.  If you need help finding a backup, let the League know.
             (just as we did in years 1-5, a draft sheet was provided by the owner to the person standing in
             (e.g. Steve B stood in for Joe and Terry stood in for Mike D)).
  
2.  Read the rules.  Read the rules.  Read the rules.
 
3.  TRADE DEADLINE:  Trading will cease at 12:45pm eastern, Sunday, Week 9.
 
4.  It is the responsibility of all owners to update their roster for Thursday games.  The remainder of the roster locks in at 12:59am on Sunday. 
     This includes the Sunday late game players and Monday night players.
 
5.  Available Apps for MyFantasyLeague (MFL)
       a.  OFFL Game Day for PC, GAMEDAY APP. Use League ID 13439.
       b.  MFL Premium for iPhone.  League ID 13439
       c.  MFL Platinum for Android.  League ID 13439
            Side note:  The home page scoreboard at tmes is faster if you like to refresh and drill down on each game individually.
  
6.  Assistant Commissioner Jeff Kalish is Pete's backup in the event of a league emergency (i.e. go on the record, late moves, glitches, etc). 
     If you need to time stamp with an email for debate later--  Jeff's email is jeff.kalish@xsitedigital.com and Pete's is plpurvis@bellsouth.net.
  
7.  After the draft, your Clubhouse page will look similar to this.
 
8.  Schedule for Final Week of Preseason:


MATCHUP
TIME
LOCATION / WEATHER
Thursday, August 24, 2023
Pittsburgh
  @  Atlanta
 7:30 PM
Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, GA
Indianapolis
  @  Philadelphia
 8:00 PM
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, PA
Friday, August 25, 2023
Detroit
  @  Carolina
 8:00 PM
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, NC
New England
  @  Tennessee
 8:15 PM
Nissan Stadium, Nashville, TN
Los Angeles
  @  San Francisco
 10:00 PM
Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara, CA
Saturday, August 26, 2023
Buffalo
  @  Chicago
 1:00 PM
Soldier Field, Chicago, IL
Seattle
  @  Green Bay
 1:00 PM
Lambeau Field, Green Bay, WI
Cleveland
  @  Kansas City
 1:00 PM
GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, MO
Arizona
  @  Minnesota
 1:00 PM
U.S. Bank Stadium, Minneapolis, MN
New York
  @  New York
 6:00 PM
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
Cincinnati
  @  Washington
 6:05 PM
FedExField, Landover, MD
Baltimore
  @  Tampa Bay
 7:00 PM
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, FL
Miami
  @  Jacksonville
 7:00 PM
TIAA Bank Field, Jacksonville, FL
Las Vegas
  @  Dallas
 8:00 PM
AT&T Stadium, Arlington, TX
Los Angeles
  @  Denver
 9:00 PM
Empower Field at Mile High, Denver, CO
Sunday, August 27, 2023
Houston
  @  New Orleans
 8:00 PM
Caesars Superdome, New Orleans, LA

 
 

  
Deep Thoughts with the Bomb:  We Have a Few Rule Changes Along With the Enforcment of an Old One

After 17 seasons, the Commissioner having to remind an owner or two about roster locks is a bit much.  For two years in a row, we witnessed an owner forgetting to check Thursday night locks, I guess that is not bad for 16 seasons, but C'mon Man!  While I mention one pet peeve, another big one is the online draft manager apps! 
 
The League Office did reach out to MFL (MyFantasyLeague) to request the block of all draft assistant extensions...  Unfortunatley, these companies are in bed together to a certain extent... The answer was a straight "no."  So all you studs using the FantasyPros Draft Manager or the latest AI App-- You are still in luck!  The MFL software will not lock out draft manager/assistant extensions.  While the League cannot stop an owner from using a "draft manager" extension, we can do the following:

       1)  Forbid any right to brag.
       2)  Revoke your Man Card.
       3)  Continue to ask you on a weekly basis, "Why do you play fantasy football?"

  With this week's commentary out of the way, here are the CliffsNotes on the scoring and roster changes this season.
      1)  Auto draft will not engage if you walk away from the draft room.  The pick will be skipped and left up to discretion of the League
            as it was when the league was formed in 2007 (no shows will be removed unless the League chooses to make an exception).
      2)  To combat the current tight end environment or lack off... We have moved to a "pass catcher flex" in place of TE.
      3)  With the evolution of the QB position, all touchdowns at the QB position will be equalized at 3 pts per TD.
      4)  Starting Roster Format for 2023:

QB

RB

RB/WR (flex)

WR

WR

WR/TE (pass catcher flex)

K

D/ST

     5)  WR/TE Scoring  and QB Scoring

New

 

WR/TE

.05 per yard received or rushed (1pt per 20 yds)

4 points per TD caught. 

4 points per TD rushed. 

3 points per TD thrown.

2 points per two point conversion caught/rushed.

New

 

QB

.025 per yard thrown (1pt per 40 yds)

3.0 per TD Thrown

3.0 per TD Rushed

3.0 per TD Received

2.0 per 2pt conversion thrown
  1. per 2pt conversion rushed

For further information, scoring and position details are on the Rules Page.  Please reach out to the Commissioner prior to the draft if you have any questions (please log into MFL prior to draft day).  Waiting until draft day to address any outstanding issues places added pressure on your Commissioner's time.  Also, this can take focus away from a real emergency that one of your leaguemates might be experincing.  At the end of the day, the goal of a live draft is to have fun! The League appreciates your coopration on this in advance.

--BomB OuT

  
 

 
Pedro was only able to make 57% of his picks last season.  So we are going to see at the end of the season how close he is on the following  predictions for 2023.

First let us salute our current Champion, the Fighting Fish...  A true example of how to work waivers...  Unfortunately, he may fall victim to all the hype and popularity.  When this happens, owners start getting experimental with things like zero RB strategy, etc.  In the end, we predict that Rob will be let down by Ellis Merryweather as his RB1.  Prediction:  10th Place.

While he hasn't beaten someone so bad that he F#&!ed the skull off their torso as he exclaimed in 2009-- We foresee Mr Hoffnuts making a rebound this season.  Our suspicion is that he turns to his buddy Jake from Rodger's Witch (not State Farm) for cheat sheet advice.  As result, Chucky refrains from drafting Aaron Rodgers with his first pick...  Unfortunately, he will more than likely spends a pick on Cordarelle Patterson.  Like Broke Back Mountain, he can't quit C.P. who is only good for 3 points a game at best.  Prediction:  4th Place (playoff team).

Do we see a rebound for the most successful team in OFFL history, the Flying Gators?  Don't think so, the new Pass Catcher Position will cause Joe's head to explode 24 hrs prior to draft.  Then he will be forced to rely on the DM (draft manager).  The ripple effect will be Joe working off the same draft list as 3 or 4 other owners...  In the end, this will create the inability to separate the Gators from a 3rd of the competition (much like the real life Gators).  Prediction:  14th Place.

Thow That tD, what can we say?  He wasn't throwing his D around last year as E.J. missed the playoffs.  Hist first pick, Jonathan Taylor gave him "the D" in the final regular season game. With lessons learned, he becomes a better manager and maybe waits on a QB? Prediction:  9th Place.

The Inaugural OFFL FantasyBowl Champion has returned.  Mean Machine has come home!  Prediction?  Like Clubber Lang, "Prediction? Pain!"  I just think Tom needs a few tune up matches before jumping back in the ring at an elite level.  As for my Predicition:  12th Place.

The Midnight Riders showed their continued disregard for the QB position by building a team around Stafford and Ryan last season.  Boy, did the twin Matt's come through...  Make more money and just miss more time, I bet Pete goes back to Tannehill this season.  Tannehill's passes aren't the only thing that could sail on the Riders. We see at least two failures in judgement  this year with the new Pass Catcher Position.   Lookout, here comes Albert Okwuegbunam leading at WR/TE!  Prediction:  7th Place.

Rodgers Witch much like Aaron Rodgers, loves them some ayahuasca!  It almost worked as Jake went with Kelce & Lamar Jackson early.  The only issue is that while under the influence ohallucinogens, he failed to notice that Lamar will not throw into coverage or to the left.  That was a real bitch during the last quarter of the season.  I foresee another lesson learned on early QB pickups.  Prediction:  2nd Place (FantasyBowl)

Under the category of "Lessons Learned," we find Midnight Dawgs for $100 Mayim!  How many players did Austin have that broke three digits last season and there names?  The answer, "What is two with K Matt Prater and Joe Burrow."  The JEOPARDY writers went with that question over the more obvious one, "Who in the f&c# would draft Kamara with the 8th pick?"  Only A.P. would do that apparently (maybe not be his fault, could be genetics).  Expect a few lessons learned.  Prediction:  5th Place (playoff team).

And now, a brief look at one of the league's younger teams, Romosexual Tendencies.  Zack's draft last year led to one thing, Prozac.  Opening last season with Henry, Pitts, and Brown as his top 3 picks.  Yippee, lets jump on the roller coaster again!  Zack must enjoy the valley when he travels as there were more downs than ups!  The three players mentioned here are the only names that any of our readers would recognize.  Prediction:  8th place.

Back to teams with a death wish, Fantatics.  Mark is maybe one or two Bears away from winning a FantasyBowl.  Let me rephrase it, Mark could have already won a FantasyBowl if he would just quit picking up Chicago players!  Don't believe me, go look at his draft from last seson.  His team was full of studs except his Chicao players.  The only decent Bear that he had, he cut in week two for Wentz.. Yes it was Fields that he cut.  Prediction:  3rd Place (because he is going to draft Darnell Mooney too soon, again). 

If you want to argue there is no luck in Fantasy Football...  Well, let me tell you about a team called the Blackbirds.  Michael outscores half the league and he can't buy a ticket to the playoffs.  Admittedly, Derek Carr didn't help things and maybe its time for Michael to ask his dad for his RB rankings before the draft also... Najee with Singletary was hard to stomach last season.  Prediction:  6th Place (Wildcard).

Oh how the mighty keep falling.  It has been hard times for Jeff "I haven't won a FantasyBowl since George Bush was in offce" Kalish.  If he gets his dog to set his cheatsheets and roster, maybe we see a comback this year.  Outside Ekeler, Hurts, and Lamb, no one on the Linguists roster last year surpassed the 70 point mark.  Prediction:  11th Place.

Blitzburgh is back baby!  Not sure how or why he is back slumming in the OFFL.  One can only assume blackmail or maybe he was booted from another league for assault, I digress.  For those who forgot, Tom was the top scoring team in 2021 and then just left without a sound.  Of course, losing to a lackluster, low flying wildcard like the Flying Gators in the FantasyBowl could have caused breakdown.  Again, I digress.   He is back and we see a first place team on the horizon.  Prediction:  1st Place (playoffs).

We save the least surprising prediction for last.  Jimmy wore out the well of Lady Luck in 2022 by making it the FantasyBowl-- only to see the NY Gangsters get slapped by the Fighting Fish in the end.   As a result, we predict Jimmy will attempt to draft the 2022 Fighting Fish roster in the order that they were picked last year.  When this attempt fails, he will probably swear, cuss, and get grounded by his wife.  Prediction:  13th Place.  Oh yeah, he will probably get grounded on a Thursday and fail to update his roster too...

Good luck to all!

Pedro the Greek

 
 


 
Garmin Venu 2 Plus:  There is a World Beyond Apple & Galaxy
 
If you want one of the most flexible options, something that works with Android and iOS, that's the Garmin Venu 2 Plus. It's ideal for anyone who wants a flexible watch that can keep an eye on their activity and get notifications from their phone.
 
You might associate Garmin watches with fitness enthusiasts only, but the Venu 2 Plus is the first real hybrid smartwatch I can wholeheartedly recommend for people who aren't necessarily athletes first and foremost. It has a bright, circular AMOLED display, plus a speaker and mic so you can talk to your voice assistant or take quick calls on your wrist when your phone is within range. You can access plenty of third-party apps like Spotify. And of course, you can track a range of different workout types and get extra details like sleep data, recovery metrics and accurate heart-rate monitoring. 
 
The battery life is also second-to-none. Some other watches can barely last one to two days on a full charge, but even with the screen in always-on mode, tracking workouts and sleep, you can get a week or more from the Venu 2 Plus before needing to charge it. You can read our hands-on with the Venu 2 Plus for more details on how it goes head-to-head with the Apple Watch and Galaxy Watch.
 
What you'll pay: The Venu 2 Plus retails for $450 but sometimes is on sale for less than $400. If that's still out of your budget, definitely consider the regular Venu 2, which has most of the same features, apart from the speaker and mic.


Blonde Mortician
 
A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. 
 
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’ 
 
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.   She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ 
  
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. ‘There’s no charge,’ she says.  ‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit’, she says.  ‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
 
So I just swithed the heads.


Grilling with Bianca
Home Made Guacamole
 
Sometimes the simplest recipes are best and it turns out better when you don't over think it...  This one is a great source of vitamins C & E.  Enjoy!
 
Ingredients
 
4 ripe Hass avocados
3 Tbs of red onion finely chopped
3 Tbs finely chopped cilantro
Juice from lime (add more lime juice to taste as needed)
1 Tbs of olive oil
Salt and pepper
 
Make sure to buy Hass avocados (ripe avocados will have a brownish/black look on the outside) The  avocados should not be firm/hard or too soft either. Give the avocado a gentle squeeze before buy[1]ing, it should feel a little soft to the touch. Use a wooden spoon to mix the avocado in a glass or or plastic container to avoid oxidation (brown) color.

1. Peel the avocados and remove the pit
2. Mash the avocados until it reaches your desired consistency (you can go chunky)
3. Add all the ingredients (onions, cilantro, olive oil, lime juice, salt and pepper) and mix. |
4. Do not over mix to avoid losing chunky consistency.

-Mistress Bianca

    Flying Gators      Midnight Riders        Cunning Linguists