THE ROLLINGSKULL, VOLUME 13, ISSUE 173
September 13, 2019.  Music by Joe Satriani, Satch Boogie
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     - Linguist Unable to Put up Points in Week 1
     - Riders Under Investigation for Influencing Officials at the Saints/Texas Game
     - Romosexuals May Change Name to Engram & Mack After Last Week
     - Stormy Shows Us How to Make One of Donald;s Favorite Gauc Recipes
     - Auto-Draft Better Than Carson?
    
  We cover all this and more!  As always, we appreciate your patronage.
  
 
E. A. Presley,
  Editor and Chief of the RollingSkull





While Aaron has been gone just two years, he left behind enough trivia to last us the next 20+ years and his boyfriend from prison keeps sending in more trivia.  Last week's question was,  "What running back’s two career 100-yard games came a record seven years apart? He ran for 105 yards on opening day in 1993, then ran for 102 yards in Week 5 of the 2000 season, playing for a different team in the same division. This player gained 23,330 combined yards during his NFL career.

The answer was
Brian Mitchell (he played for Washington in 1993 and Philadelphia in 2000). On his second 100-yard game (against Atlanta), he carried the ball only twice.  Brian Mitchell also was the last Washington quarterback in the infamous “body bag” game against the Eagles when all sorts of Washington players were forced out of the game with injuries. Mitchell did decently but there were a lot of running quarterback plays used.  As some noticed, Philadelphia and Washington played a dismal game last Sunday. 
 
For two days, the Patriots had three different wide receivers on their roster who have had 100-catch seasons: Julian Edelman, Antonio Brown and Demaryius Thomas. But they never actually played together, with Thomas traded to the Jets. This week's questino is "What is the only team that put three 100-catch receivers on the field at the same time?"

a.  Dallas Cowboys
b.  Miami Dolphins
c   Kansas City Chiefs
d.  Denver Brooncos


Mr. Presley will then reach out to the Massachusetts State Penitentiary for the correct answer(s).  This week's winner receive a sixty day supply of VigRx Plus for when you and your fantasy team can't get it up on or off the field!  Just ask Jeff!

 

 

 



 

This week's checklist:

1.  To enjoy the website's music and sound with your pc/tablet you need Adobe Flash approved in your browser.
 
2.  TRADE DEADLINE:  Trading will cease at 12:55pm eastern, Sunday, Week 9.

3.  It is the owner's responsibility to update their roster for Thursday's game.  The remainder of the rosters lock in at 12:59am on Sunday, 
     This includes your Sunday Late Game Players and your Monday Night Players.

4.  Software and apps... 
           a.  You can listen to live updates on your PC/Laptop with the GameDay Program, download here GAMEDAY APP
                Use League ID 13439 when prompted.
Turn up the volume and enjoy.
           b.  For the mobile phone we have for apps for League ID, 13439:
               
  iPhone apps for accessing your MyFantasyLeague.com leagues.
                  
Android apps for accessing your MyFantasyLeague.com leagues.
                  Windows Phone apps for accessing your MyFantasyLeague.com leagues.

5.  Asst Commissioner, Kalish is Pete's back up if for some reason you have to get a hold of Commissioner Purvis before game time
     (to go on the record)  Jeff's email is  jeff.kalish@xsitedigital.com.  Jeff has administrative privileges if anyone has problems with
     the website. 
Just copy the Commissioner on the email for the time stamp in the event Jeff is unable to get into the site.


9. Week two in the NFL:

Thursday, September 12
Matchup Time (ET) TV Location
Tampa Bay 
Carolina 
8:20 PM NFL Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte
Sunday, September 15
Matchup Time (ET) TV Location
San Francisco 
Cincinnati 
1:00 PM FOX Paul Brown Stadium, Cincinnati
Los Angeles 
Detroit 
1:00 PM CBS Ford Field, Detroit
Minnesota 
Green Bay 
1:00 PM FOX Lambeau Field, Green Bay
Indianapolis 
Tennessee 
1:00 PM CBS Nissan Stadium, Nashville
New England 
Miami 
1:00 PM CBS Hard Rock Stadium, Miami Gardens
Buffalo 
New York 
1:00 PM CBS MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford
Seattle 
Pittsburgh 
1:00 PM FOX Heinz Field, Pittsburgh
Dallas 
Washington 
1:00 PM FOX FedEx Field, Landover
Arizona 
Baltimore 
1:00 PM FOX M&T Bank Stadium, Baltimore
Jacksonville 
Houston 
1:00 PM CBS NRG Stadium, Houston
Kansas City 
Oakland 
4:05 PM CBS RingCentral Coliseum, Oakland
Chicago 
Denver 
4:25 PM FOX Empower Field at Mile High, Denver
New Orleans 
Los Angeles 
4:25 PM FOX Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, Los Angeles
Philadelphia 
Atlanta 
8:20 PM NBC Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta
Monday, September 16
Matchup Time (ET) TV Location
Cleveland 
New York 
8:15 PM ESPN MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford

Cordially,

P. L. Purvis  
Commissioner, OFFL

 


A quiet week.  We did not learn much in week one.

- We saw the Cunning Linguists go limp at receiver.

- Midnight Riders (aka Commish) is a Kansas City Curse.  Anytime a Chief plays for him, they get a third of the season off.
- Auto Draft does  a better job drafting than the Swimteam's owner, Carson.

- Trooper's, please don't expect McCaffery and Hilton to combine for 30 pts every week. Hope you played the lottery this week.
- Romosexual Tendencies:  Why have your best game in week one?  I think you will be pretty bored for the remainder...
- The Toddlers will not be able to depend on "garbage time every week.   I bet Mel likes his Eagles right now...
- Midnight Dawgs, besides Tom Brady, "Did you roster anyone else last week?
  

      --- BOMB OUT! 



 

Pedro only went 4 for 7 in week two (batting 571).    This week's spokesmodel is actress/singer Violante Placido.  You may have caught her in the Ghostrider, Spirt of Vengenance or the Transporter series. On with Week II in the OFFL.
  

SPOKESMODEL

                            MATCHUP PREDICTION

  VS  63 to 47:  New York Gangsters
 Flying Gators  VS  53 to 52:  Flying Gators 
  VS   69 to 58:  Romosexual Tendencies 
  VS  55  to 61:  Troopers
  VS   47 to 52: Tuna Wranglers  **
  VS  Cunning Linguists 64 to 42:  Five Dolllar Footlongs
  VS  61 to 59:  Fanatics
  ** "Estradiol Game of the Week"  


 



THE NO SCREEN WONDER


Moov Now

The Moov Now doesn't have all the bells and whistles you would associate with a fitness tracker. It doesn't have GPS tracking, it doesn't even have a screen; but what it does have is a cheap price tag and six-month battery life. Yes, you read that right: six months.
  
     Screen: No
     Heart rate tracker: No
     Waterproof: Yes
     Activity tracking: Yes
     GPS: Yes, through phone
     Battery life: Six months
     Compatibility: Android/Ios

  
During those six months you can track your steps, your sleep, your fitness, your running technique and a whole lot more. This may be an unconventional fitness tracker, but it's a great one at the price of $39.95.  https://welcome.moov.cc/moovnow

 
  
BALLONS

 

At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a dad and his 7 year old son.

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”
Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”
Son: Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!

 
A STORMY TAILGATE

  

Indian Guacamole
   

Ingredients (serves 6 – 8, around 94 calories)

2 ripe large avocados, halved and pitted
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 to 1 tsp. minced Thai or serrano chile
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 teaspoons brown mustard seeds
3/4 teaspoon cumin seeds, coarsely ground with a mortar and pestle or spice mill
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
Pappadums* or tortilla chips

    
How to Make It
Scoop avocados into a bowl. Add juice, chile, salt, and garlic. Coarsely mash with a pastry blender or fork.
   
Cook oil and mustard seeds in a small covered saucepan over medium heat until seeds pop, 1 1/2 to 3 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in remaining spices, and let stand 2 minutes. Stir spice mixture and cilantro into guacamole. Serve with pappadums.
   
*Find pappadums (wafer crackers made from lentils) in the international aisle of well-stocked grocery stores; cook according to package directions.


 

Per the Commissioner, we have archived all of the past year's football recipes from Mistress Bianca.   Just click right here!

      Flying Gators    Midnight Riders        Cunning Linguists