THE ROLLINGSKULL, VOLUME 10, ISSUE 141
September 9, 2016
|  Music by Trick Daddy, featuring Twista & Lil Jon. "Let's Go"

     Commissioner Purvis to Have Phone Number Changed
 
     Post Draft:  "What the Hell Where They Thinking?
          - Joe Succumbs to Free Agent Addition Right After Draft
          - Angel Says "F" My Receivers, I Need a Tight End
 
     Yes, Pete Called Karl (OFFL Alum) Wednesday Night for HTML Help
 
     Mistress Bianca and Her Canadian Irish Stew Recipe

  E. A. Presley
  Editor and Chief of the Rolling Skull




 

Here we go with the first trivia question of 2016.  We begin with " Which quarterback had the highest passer rating in the 1994 Season?

a.  Brett Favre
b.  Steve Young
c.  Dan Marino
d.  John Elway

This week's winner will receive the new documentary covering Angel Quinones' 2016 OFFL Draft... Jordan Reed in the 2nd, please...  All trivia answers should be submitted to E.A. Presley.






 

This week's checklist:

1.  Make sure you check your roster prior to Thursday games to make sure you don't lock in or lock out  the wrong player.  Your other players for
     Sunday and Monday will lock in at 12:59 Sunday morning (with the exception of those goofy early European games that the NFL schedules).

2.   Kalish is Pete's back up if for some reason you have to get a hold of the league office before game time (or go on record). Jeff's email,
     JKalish@shepherdagency.com 
for backup.  PETE WILL BE AT THE BRAVES GAME THIS SUNDAY, NO PC ACCESS.

3.  Karl's quick tutorial on the "My Fantasy League Software, http://offl-balls.com/howtoguide.htm.

4.  League Entry is $120.  Free agents, $5 a pop.  You can pay me in advance or wait.  Just don't leave me hanging at season's end. 
     (Jimmy, start hiding the cash from Mehalia in the sock drawer now.  Don't make me play collection agent).

5. To enjoy the music with your pc table for  the site, you need Adobe Flash.   The FireFox browser now longer supports Flash.  For cell phone, they
      do offer the FlashFox browser now for anDroid.

6.  For cell phones, here is the wireless live scoring link here.  
       (Note there is a MyFantasyLeague available in your app store).  The link above is a nice clean look for my taste.
 
7.  I like to listen to live updates on my PC with the GameDay Program, download here GAMEDAY APP.  Great App, it is Microsoft based....
       Use League ID 13439 when prompted.
Turn up the volume and enjoy.

8.  The Club House Pages are up and running!  YEA!  I admit, I ended up calling Karl and had a "duh moment."
 
Thursday, September 8
Matchup TIME TV Location
Carolina 
Denver 
8:30 PM NBC Sports Authority Field at Mile High, Denver
Sunday, September 11
Matchup TIME TV Location
Green Bay 
Jacksonville 
1:00 PM FOX EverBank Field, Jacksonville
Buffalo 
Baltimore 
1:00 PM CBS M&T Bank Stadium, Baltimore
Chicago 
Houston 
1:00 PM FOX NRG Stadium, Houston
Cleveland 
Philadelphia 
1:00 PM CBS Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia
Tampa Bay 
Atlanta 
1:00 PM FOX Georgia Dome, Atlanta
Minnesota 
Tennessee 
1:00 PM FOX Nissan Stadium, Nashville
Cincinnati 
New York 
1:00 PM CBS MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford
Oakland 
New Orleans 
1:00 PM FOX Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans
San Diego 
Kansas City 
1:00 PM CBS Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City
Miami 
Seattle 
4:05 PM CBS CenturyLink Field, Seattle
Detroit 
Indianapolis 
4:25 PM FOX Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis
New York 
Dallas 
4:25 PM FOX AT&T Stadium, Arlington
New England 
Arizona 
8:30 PM NBC U of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale
Monday, September 12
Matchup TIME TV Location
Pittsburgh 
Washington 
7:10 PM ESPN FedEx Field, Landover
Los Angeles 
San Francisco 
10:20 PM ESPN Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara


Cordially,

P. L. Purvis  
Commissioner, OFFL


 
I heard you all gave your commissioner a bunch of crap during the draft. Cut the guy a little slack.  No matter how good the software- life happens.  The one day delay through a monkey wrench right into this draft and possibly one too many martinis for some didn't help either.  ESPN,  CBS, all experienced lag over the last week.  One also has to remember that this league was originally set up to as a live-in-person-paper-draft (old school).  Pete had quit all of his online leagues to create a league of comradery.  The next thing your know relationships build and then folks start moving with their jobs, etc.  For better or worse, he went to a hybrid draft (online and in person) and lost a few teams as a result.  The software has held up for 10 years now.  Why did we ever choose this program?  It was rated number one and highly customizable to our unique scoring.  We are able to blow in widgets to our private/customized site.  For those who have participated in ESPN, Yahoo, and CBS Leagues, you can see where the commissioner is coming from.  He was quoted as saying "I will be damned if I run a league where the software does all the research for the owner without any effort."  Thus, MyFantasyLeague will more than likely remain. 
 
The draft got hosed up by a curve ball called "life."  Pete is very appreciative of everyone's patience and his wife is doing well now.  A Labor Day Weekend Draft Has Pros and Cons.  I wanted to give you all glimpse of what was going on beyond your own team's draft.  A few teams missed the commissioner's memo, "Please log in before the draft and familiarize yourself  with the software". 

We  had one owner pickup David Johnson off of waivers prior to the draft.  The commissioner had to go in and stop the draft and try to reset.  Hmm, could it be the same owner who attempted to draft off of a phone app and ended up going autodraft after 3 picks in?  Maybe?  We would never mention any names.. JFLKTFDOPHJOODEFLATORSPIITIJKGFIPIPDSDS!

Phones are ringing, texts are being written and drinks are being had on the water.  How about this screen shot of the commissioner's phone.  Please note, this does not include the messages being sent over email nor the draft chat board.  We may have this picture blown up and placed in a art gallery.  We call this picture, "Draft Timer Paused."  The text messages below are just a small collage of Flying Gators, Slammers, Genies, Deflators, Gangsters, etc.



Through this turbulent draft we learned:
          - If you have a medical emergency, have it when the Flying Fish are present  (Thanks Rob!)
          - Kitty Nutt, might be better at Pokemon than Fantasy Football (Thanks for keeping Alex and the rest of the kids busy).
          - Again, neither of the Birchard Bros (Fanatics/Interceptors) will receive the 2016 trophy.
          - The commissioner's wife will not let him confront her endrocrinolgist.
          - Most of the league had a competitive draft (Joe B/Flying Gators Not So Lucky:   Dear League, Be polite and do not say anything).
          - The Norwood Slammers live by their name.
          - Autodraft still pisses off league owners (Only because Slammers and Deflators could not have done better otherwise).
          - Jimmy can be irritating and a super human being at the same time (thanks for the prayers brother, you still suck and this is not Pete writing).
          - Kalish and Pete's Bromance grows.
          - Rick Nutt remains "chill" as always.
          - Mat/Footlongs finds chaos entertaining. (That is what we are here for).  Thank you for the kind words and support over the weekend.
          - I have $10 that says the Slammers will be too busy partying on the water and will fail to submit rosters in at least two games.

One last note, I drafted on CBS this past Monday.  The draft software showed their analysis of top players available per round and the draft still went 3 hours.  This as a $250 buy in league with $10 free agents and it was advising owners as they picked.   While I think CBS sucks with their rankings.  It sucks more to see them giving the fantasy challenged a hand up.  We have a  much more educated league.  Even with our own glitches this weekend, this draft was by far better than the CBS league I am in.

 - BOMB OUT!


 
 
Here we go with week one predictions from Pedro the Greek.  This week's picks are sponsored by UFC's Paige VanZant.
   

SPOKESMODEL

                            MATCHUP PREDICTION

 

  VS  Midnight Riders:  65 to 51
  VS  Fanatics:  65 to 48
  VS  Flying Gators IBelechick Yourself:  51 to 44
  VS  Tuna Wranglers:  55 to 46
  VS  MYLF:   60 to 40
  VS  $5 Footlongs:  65 to 64
Cunning Linguists  VS  Cunning Linguists:   47 to 8.68*
  * Estradiol Game of the Week


 


    

‘The Batcycle is FOR SALE
 

One of the coolest things to come out of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is the Batpod, the excellent smartcycle-type vehicle first seen in The Dark Knight and then again in its sequel The Dark Knight Rises. And one of the six Batpods used in the latter film is now going up for auction. This particular Batpod is a non-functional “rolling only” prop, with no battery, fuel tank, or functioning controls, so your dreams of cruising your local shopping mall like Batman will have to be put on hold yet again. But it’s an excellent display piece, and in a pinch it might be fun to roll it around a little. You can check out the Batpod’s auction listing right here. It’s estimated to go for at least eighty grand, and you have almost three weeks until the bidding comes to an end. If you have access to any Bruce Wayne-like personal fortunes, it may be worth a bid or two.



Little Johnny, A Lesson in Government
 

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
 

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
 

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
 

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
 

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
 

 
Grilling with Mistress Bianca
 
Beef and Irish Stout Stew
 
Feel like a good stew for the tailgate, but don't have time to wait on a crock pot?  Not a problem.  This can also be used as a pie filler if you want to look bad ass.

Ingredients

1-2 tablespoons canola oil
2.2 pounds beef shoulder, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 onion, chopped
2 carrots, roughly chopped
2 stalks celery, roughly chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely sliced
2/3 cup beef stock
2 cups Irish stout, (I prefer Killians, Guiness will work also).
1 bay leaf
Sea salt and ground black pepper
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour (optional)
Mashed potatoes or crusty bread, for serving


1. In a large pot, heat the oil and brown the meat in two batches, taking care not to overcrowd the pan. Remove and set aside on a plate. Add another drop of oil if you need it, then fry off the onion, carrots and celery. Add the meat back into the pot along with the garlic.


2. Pour in the stock, stout, bay leaf and season with the salt and pepper. Simmer gently for about 1½ hours until the liquid has reduced.


3. If the sauce isn't thick enough, strain the juices into a bowl and then transfer to a small sauce pan. Then mix a little of the sauce with the flour over high heat until you have a smooth paste, then whisk through the rest of the liquid. Simmer gently until you have a thickened sauce, then add the thickened sauce over the meat.


4. Serve with mashed potatoes or crusty bread.

Per the Commissioner, we have archived all of the past year's football recipes from Mistress Bianca.  
Just click right here

   

  Flying Gators Midnight Riders   Cunning Linguists